Getting Married Under Siege in Syria
Darayya continues to suffer under the crippling siege imposed by the Syrian regime. All basic essentials and humanitarian services are in short supply.
Despite their suffering, though people continue to enjoy traditional celebrations like weddings. The bride still puts on her white dress and the groom goes to fetch her and carry her on his shoulders according to the Damascus tradition. This is after his friends have styled his hair and dressed him in his wedding outfit, singing and praising the event as he approaches the bride’s home.
Sometimes a wedding coincides with a heavy bout of shelling by regime forces, and the party will comment sarcastically that the government is taking part in the celebrations in its own barbaric style.
Despite the siege, Darayya still has civil structures that register marriages. The “general security headquarters” which local activists have set up by agreement with all the revolutionary parties, military groups and civil society organisations have police, justice and prisons agencies, and a civil registry that maintains records of marriages, divorces, births and deaths. Since April 2013, the office has registered about 150 marriages in the town.
ROMANCE UNDER FIRE
Young women from elsewhere have various reasons for marrying young men from rebel-controlled Darayya, many of whom are wanted by the government because of their paramilitary or peaceful activities.
Yasmine, 19, is a Syrian refugee who has lived in Lebanon for over two years. She is engaged to a young she met while she was still living in Syria, when he sneaked into Darayya. She said the main reason she was attracted to him was his commitment to the Syrian revolution, and his refusal to leave his country despite the risks to his life.
Yasmine said that in this long-distance relationship, she found an answer to her desire to return to her home country and settle there again after her long absence.
“There is no sign that things will calm down in Darayya, and there is no ceasefire in sight, but I am overwhelmed by nostalgia for home,” she said.
Young women planning to marry someone from Darayya are more afraid of the dangers of shelling than by the tough living conditions, so they insist their husbands-to-be find a safe place to live, some distance away from areas that are bombarded daily.
If this is not possible, the bride’s family may refuse to let the marriage go ahead. This often complicates engagements or ends them altogether.
Abir, 26, is a university student. Her father refused to allow her to marry a young man living in a besieged area for fear of danger they would be in by being associated with a rebel.
“I’m afraid my children and I might end up on the Syrian security service’s wanted list if my daughter marries someone from the town [Darayya],” he said. “It’s impossible to hide anything from the regime, and there are informers everywhere.”
Talal, 30, was unable to persuade his fiancée’s family to let her travel to Darayya to marry him. The reason they gave was that they would be unable to accompany her on the journey, and she had no relatives there to support her.
Talal broke off the engagement and began looking for another bride.
LEGAL AND CIVIL RIGHTS
In other cases, problems with registration complicate relationships.
Iman, 24, a teacher, married a man from Darayya who was wanted by the regime. Their wedding took place in a Sharia court and was blessed by a cleric in the presence of two witnesses and her male guardian. The marriage has not yet been registered by the civil authorities.
Iman is reluctant to have a child before the civil marriage is registered, because it would be extremely difficult to process the paperwork afterwards.
Some families set specific conditions for the marriage.
Asma, a 26-year-old university student from Damascus, had to leave her comfortable life behind and go to Darayya to be with her future husband.
Her father demanded that the marriage be registered in a civil court, in order to safeguard Asma’s rights if she had a child or if her husband died. Asma was in complete agreement, as she finds it hard to accept being married only according to Islamic law.
Her husband was eventually able to register the marriage in a Damascus civil court with the help of an intermediary and a modest sum of money.
Other women do not regard civil registration as such an important issue. They are counting on the regime to fall, after which they believe they will be able to register their marriages and obtain the proper certificates and identity cards for their children.
